Blow Back
by TheBlacklamb
Summary: Ryan agrees to go to a charity dinner with Kelly, Angela, and Andy, only to find out he has more in common with Angela then he would have expected.
1. The first step is the hardest

_This was a gift for 15north (for an Office themed secret Santa exchange that went on over at LJ)._

_I haven't written much fiction since my Creative Writing days back in High School (let alone posted any online), so I feel pretty rusty. And C&C would be greatly appreciated._

_Title taken from the __Silent Hill Origins OST._

_Hope you enjoy 15north, and Merry Christmas!_

* * *

Standing in front of his desk in his swanky New York office, Ryan Howard had the sickening feeling his life had suddenly come full circle. And that was bad. Holy crap, was that ever bad. 

Sighing, he circled around to his chair and sat down, running a hand through his hair. He reluctantly pulled out his Blackberry and checked the time. 10:36 AM. _Seven hours and twenty four minutes until D-Day, _he lamented to himself. He wasn't even sure how he had allowed himself to get into this mess in the first place.

* * *

Early last evening he had received a call, interrupting his dinner. Immediately he knew it was from Kelly. He hadn't bothered to remove her number from his contact list, let alone the stupid little song she programmed to go with it whenever she called. It was Pink. Or Beyonce, maybe. Fergie? Whatever, it didn't matter. It embarrassed him either way, but she had insisted on it and if there was one sure thing about Kelly, it was that she was stubborn. She knew what she wanted out of life and she did whatever was necessary to get it (even when that amounted to crying and begging, which it usually did). Secretly, Ryan had always sort of admired that in her, her chutzpah, if you will. So even after they broke up, he couldn't bring himself to erase it from his phone. There was something oddly endearing about it. 

Besides, he never really expected to hear from her again. Sure, during the first few months after their breakup she had called him constantly, with that fierce determination of hers, trying desperately to win him back (he didn't admire her resolve so much at this point).

He started to ignore her calls, and she got the hint. And that was the last he had heard from her outside of work; (her "I'm pregnant" antics were another story entirely). That is, until now.

Taking another bite out of his microwave pizza (ah, the glamorous life of Dunder Mifflin's best and brightest), he debated with himself whether or not he should pick up. Deciding it could only end badly, he let it continue to ring, until the warbling voice of whatever female diva was belting out their latest craptastic hit fell silent. Turning the phone to "vibrate", he finished his dinner in peace.

Later on, Ryan found himself doing his best to unwind in front of the television. _Lost_ was on, only sort-of holding his attention, but after a couple of beers he decided to call it an early night and turn in. It had been a long day and he was ready for it to be over. He found he was having more and more days like that. It was almost like he was back working in Scranton again. Pretty depressing, actually.

Suddenly something was vibrating against his thigh, and he fished his phone out of his pants to check the incoming number. _Kelly_. There was that persistence again.

Sighing, he answered, curiosity getting the better of him. "Kelly?" he offered warily. "Haven't heard from you in a while."

"I kind of got the impression that was what you wanted, Ryan." She sounded very restrained, unlike herself.

He ignored what he thought was obvious baiting. "Well, what do you need? Is this work related? Have you gotten more calls about Michael making inappropriate comments about his sex life to clients again?"

"Oh, no. Well, yes to the Michael thing, but that's not why I'm calling."

"He's going to get us slapped with a lawsuit one of these days," Ryan mumbled, starting to feel the effects of the alcohol. "So what's going on?"

"Look. I was really afraid to call you; I didn't know how you'd take it." Her voice faltered and she fell silent, probably hoping for some sign of encouragement to go on, that Ryan was willing to hear her out. Ryan groaned inwardly. "What's up Kelly?"

She continued, voice a bit stronger now. "You remember Angela mentioning that she was a volunteer at Noah's Ark, the Scranton animal shelter?"

"No, not really."

"Oh. Well, she is. Anyway, today she mentioned that they were holding a charity dinner in honor of their 10th anniversary, and she said it was open to the public. I know how much you love dogs, well, at least you love Riley, and I thought maybe…." she trailed off again, nervousness palpable through the phone.

Ryan knew where this was going the minute she mentioned a dinner. Initially his first reaction would have been to end the call, throw the phone down and run away in utter terror, but thoughts of Riley were rapidly overtaking him. Riley, his beloved German Shepherd, who was currently living with some friends back in Scranton.

Ryan's promotion, as ecstatic as it had made him, was sudden, and if he were honest with himself, a bit unexpected. He had left a lot of people behind in the process. Family, friends, everyone at the Scranton branch. None of that mattered so much to him; they were only a few hours away, for those of them he cared enough to see again. He was upgrading, moving on to bigger and better things, everything he had worked hard for had finally paid off. It was going to be great, and he didn't have a single regret.

When he found out Riley wouldn't be allowed to move in with him to his new condominium, his heart broke.

Ryan wasn't necessarily a huge animal lover, but dogs always had a special place in his heart, and Riley was the best. Of course, after Michael's grill accident, every time he gave Riley a heartworm pill he couldn't help but envision his boss's nasty, burned foot.

Distasteful mental imagery aside, the dog was a good companion and Ryan was crushed to have to leave him behind. Thankfully some friends of his agreed to take Riley in, and Ryan went to go visit whenever he was in town. Kelly must have known bringing him up was a sure way to open his heart up, just a little. Just enough.

So maybe it was that, or perhaps it was a combination of the alcohol and exhaustion, but Ryan relented. He went to the place he swore he would never go again.

"Ok, Kelly." He was a sad, defeated man.

"Ok what?"

"Ok I'll go with you to the dinner."

His admission was met with loud squeals of delight. Grimacing, he held the phone away from his ear until she calmed down a little.

"Ryan, you will so not regret going, I swear, it will be totally awesome and we're going to have a great time. You're such a good person, to help out a good cause like this. Who knew, Ryan? Who knew?" She was talking a mile a minute. "Plus, since this isn't really a date or anything I'm sure Darryl won't mind."

_Darryl_! Ryan had completely forgotten about him. "Woah, woah. Wait a minute. That's right, you're dating Darryl now. What are you thinking? Are you trying to get me killed?"

Kelly was genuinely puzzled. "What are you talking about?"

"Darryl could snap me in half just by looking at me, there's no way I'm going to risk pissing him off by taking you to a dinner. In fact, he'd probably be angry we're even having this conversation."

"No way, Darryl is a totally chill guy. He's not like you at all, he'll be cool with it, I promise."

That stung a little. "Not like me, huh? What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm sorry Ryan, forget I said it. I'm just sooooo excited you agreed to come! This is going to be the best ever! Oh, did I tell you we'd be sitting with Angela and Andy?"

_Oh God, please no. _"No, you failed to mention that," Ryan forced through gritted teeth.

"Well, I assumed you'd kind of figure it out, since this is Angela's thing in the first place."

"Mm-hmmm."

" Plus, Andy is a really sweet guy. Well, besides the whole punching-a-hole-through-the-wall thing. Weird, but sweet. You, me, some friends from work, helping out needy animals…doesn't that sound like fun?"

"It sounds like a nightmare."

"Well, you already committed, and I just sent Angela a text and told her we'd be there."

"Wait….you and Angela text message each other? Since when? Kelly, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Angela hates you. She hates _me_. This is a terrible idea. I almost prefer the thought of your manipulative pregnancy dinner dates over this."

"Still sour about that, huh?"

Violently squeezing a nearby pillow, Ryan did his best not to imagine throttling her. Murder wouldn't look good on the resume he'd inevitably need after being fired for killing another employee. "No Kelly, I'm not still mad. In fact, I think it was hysterical. Ha ha," he deadpanned.

"Still unnecessarily sarcastic I see. You know, I really was hoping your new job would start to mellow you out a little, I mean you finally got what you wanted, right? Are you ever going to be happy?"

"Happy means different things to different people, Kelly. Not everyone has to run at the mouth all the time to prove something."

"That's not fair. I just…I was hoping you'd change, be more content. I still care about you, Ryan."

This conversation was treading dangerous ground. "Stop acting like we've been broken up forever. It's only been six months."

"Six months is a long time."

Ryan didn't even begin to digest what she was saying. He was tired and it hit a sore spot. He just couldn't deal with it at the moment. "Six months isn't that long, and people never change, for better or for worse. Working at Dunder Mifflin should have taught you that. Twenty years from now, Jim will still be slacking, Angela will still be scary, Michael will still be clueless, and probably jobless, and Dwight will still be insane."

He grew quite for a moment. Speaking of change, having an actual, meaningful conversation with Kelly was disconcerting. What was Darryl doing to her?

Kelly paused. "That's a shame, actually."

"You're telling me, Chatty Cathy," Ryan sank further into the couch. "I think I need I need another drink."

"Oh no you don't. You need to get some sleep. Tomorrow is a big night."

"This is tomorrow?" Ryan rubbed his forehead.

" Sure is. I am so excited Ryan, this is going to be great! Pick me up at 5:30, ok? See you then!"

Before Ryan could protest, the line on the other end went silent and he was left to commiserate to himself for the rest of the evening.

* * *

And so that was that, and after a restless night of getting absolutely no sleep whatsoever, Ryan sat in his office, trying to decide how much medication he'd need to take beforehand to make it through the night without wanting to kill himself. 

Leaning back in his chair, he pouted, sort of enjoying the self-pity he was allowing himself to indulge in. Part of him realized maybe he should try not to be such a jerk and to attempt to make the evening work. Sure, that was usually a difficult endeavor whenever Kelly was involved, but he hadn't always been Prince Charming either. _Meh. She has her claws sunk in me deeper then I realized. I refuse to get sentimental over this… _

_Still…._

Why _had _he agreed to go? He liked to think there were a lot of factors involved, but the most blatant and obvious one was nipping at his consciousness, and he refused to acknowledge it. It scared him like nothing else, the idea that when he let go of Kelly, he lost more then he bargained for.

He loved her at one point, he thought. Maybe. To be honest, he was never sure what it meant to be in love. He wasn't the type of guy to ever hear music, see stars and explosions, walk on clouds, so there was no meter for which to measure his affection, no way to gauge his feelings.

Perhaps it dawned on him when he would come home from work and throw himself down on his bed, exhausted and drained. She would come lie besides him, holding him close to her body, never saying a word. Just letting him wallow in the sad existence of what he was, a paper salesman who couldn't make a sale, and despite his self-loathing, she never judged, not once.

It was then he could close his eyes and sort of see this thing going on forever, the two of them together, a confused, hopeless, lovely mess, tangled in each others arms. If he squeezed his eyes really tight, sometimes he thought he saw a little baby lying between the two of them and sometimes, sometimes, it didn't make him want to run away.

But it would never be. Kelly would never be the business-minded woman he wished she was, and he could never learn to live with the person she actually was, no matter how much he missed her sometimes. _People never change_, he repeated to himself, a mantra he used to grasp the reality of the situation. _People never change. Especially not me_.


	2. Changes

Later that evening, Ryan found himself back in Scranton, Kelly clinging almost desperately to his arm, like she thought at any moment he'd turn and run back to New York. It almost made him smile.

To his surprise, the event was being held at the Radisson, so he was glad he had decided to dress up, even though he assumed it would be a rather low key affiar.

Adjusting his tie, he held open the door to the hotel for Kelly, followed closely by Angela and then Andy.

"Thanks bro," Andy smiled, punching Ryan in the shoulder. Ryan twitched and rubbed at the spot when Andy wasn't looking. It hurt. A _lot_. Although he supposed he shouldn't be surprised, the guy did punch a hole through the wall. He was stronger then he looked.

Heading towards the ballroom, they could hear a raucous noise before they even stepped foot inside. It sounded like a zoo.

Ryan shot a quizzical look at Kelly, who only shrugged.

Andy noticed their confusion. "They're going to have animals up for adoption all night. I'm thinking about getting a dog, myself."

Angela's eyes widened with displeasure, and Kelly giggled.

Entering the ballroom, Ryan couldn't help but be amused at the apparent conflict of themes. The room itself was decorated with elegant candle lamps and fine linen, and golden chandeliers hung from the ceiling. Unfortunately most of the room's sophistication was canceled out by tacky cat and dog decorations and adoption posters hanging from the walls. It actually looked like something Angela might have come up with for a party at work.

"How much is that doggie in the windoooooow?" Andy suddenly belted out at the top of his lungs, making Ryan jump. Angela gave her date a sharp look, but if Andy noticed he didn't seem to care, as he continued to sing. "The one with the waggly tail? How much is that doggie in the window? I do hope that doggie's for sale! "

Nearby a Collie began to howl, joining in the song, and Angela started to fume. Kelly had to bring a hand to her mouth to keep from laughing.

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Can we please cut the theatrics short and find our table?"

Andy started to open his mouth to argue, but decided against it. "Whatever you say, boss." Taking Angela's hand, he gestured towards a table near the stage. "This way, m'lady,"

"Oh perfect, we're right up close. That won't encourage the host to badger us for money. Mmm-mmm, nope," Ryan groused.

"I don't think you wearing Armani is going to help any," Kelly responded innocently.

Angela impatiently pushed passed the couple, following Andy's lead. "Honestly Ryan, would it kill you to stop complaining and be pleasant for once in your life?" she huffed.

Ryan's mouth dropped open, and he turned to Kelly indignantly. "She has_got _to be kidding me."

"Come on Ryan-"

"_Angela_ told _me _to be pleasant. Does she even know what that word means?"

"Well,_I _do, and I agree with her. Now shut up and come sit down with me. Why can't you be more like Andy?"

"You mean insane?"

"I mean _gentlemanly_. Ryan Bailey Howard, I swear, if this is how you're going to act the entire night we might as well leave."

"Hallelujah. Let's go." Ryan turned to head out the door, but Kelly grabbed his arm and pouted.

"Come on Ryan," she pleaded, using what she hoped was her best "hurt and injured" voice. "I didn't mean it, let's just sit and order our food, ok? You'll feel better after you eat."

Grumbling slightly under his breath, Ryan reluctantly followed her back to their table. Andy was already in the process of evaluating the homeless animals.

"Hey Bro-ski, check out that sweet dog over there." Andy pointed to a young Doberman that seemed to desperately be searching for some sort of attention. "You ladies want to walk around and see the animals before this party gets started?"

"I'd love to!" Kelly responded enthusiastically. "But I don't want to get too close to that dog. He looks a little scary, and he's probably going to be jumping all over the place anyway, and I don't want him to ruin my outfit. Ohmygod, my outfit, don't you just love it? It was a total steal to, I got it over at…"

Ryan cut her short impatiently. "A simple 'yes' would suffice, Kelly."

"You're such a kill-joy Ryan. I don't get you."

"Likewise." Ryan put his elbow up on the table and rested his head against his knuckles, bored already.

Andy gave the dysfunctional couple a smile that Ryan thought was deranged at best. "Ok kids, settle down. Angela, you are going to be joining us, aren't you?"

Shaking her head, Angela gave him a tight lipped smile.

"What's wrong, Angel of Mine?"

"I'm just feeling slightly under the weather, Andy. Just make sure you're back by the time the waiter gets here. I don't want to sit around waiting for the two of you to come back gallivanting."

Andy nodded his consent and offered his arm to Kelly, who squealed in delight. "Andy, I was just telling Ryan what a gentleman you were. See this Ryan? This is how a real man should act."

Ryan turned sour. "What do you care how I act? We're not together, and you have a boyfriend, remember?"

Kelly's face fell, but only for a moment. "Ok Andy, let's go. Oh, do you see that adorable kitten over there?" Her voice trailed off as they walked to the other side of the room.

Examining Angela out of the corner of his eye, Ryan tried to figure out how to even begin a conversation with her. She was always a bit of an enigma to him. She was beautiful and cold and miserable, like some sort of witch from a fairytale- well versed in poison and withering stares, ripped out of a storybook and placed in middle of nowhere, Pennsylvania.

Tonight though, she seemed different. Sad , almost. And the silence between them was awkward, at least on his end. Angela's mind seemed to be a million miles away.

Picking at his food, he tried to remember again just what it was that had possessed him to come. His thoughts were interrupted, however, when he heard sniffling. Looking up, he saw Angela dabbing at her eyes with a napkin.

Ryan cleared his throat nervously, not sure what to do. It was obvious she was crying a little and trying to hide it, but it being Angela and all, he couldn't imagine her wanting comfort, least of all from him. Besides that, he wasn't the most comforting person in the world. It wasn't that he lacked empathy, or that he never tried, he was just no good at it.

Anyway, he _was_ her boss. Did that mean he was obligated to say something? _Damnit, where the hell are Kelly and Andy?_ He looked around desperately, but the two were nowhere in sight. Sighing, Ryan resignedly put down his fork and rubbed his neck. _Oh well, here goes…_

"Angela?" His voice was hesitant, soft.

She didn't even look up. Of course she was going to make this way more difficult then it already was.

He tried again. "Angela, is there something wrong?"

He watched in great discomfort as her face turned pale, utterly devoid of all color aside from the redness of her eyes. She looked like she was going to throw up. Then, suddenly, she burst into torrential tears. "I miss D so much!" she sobbed, crying into her napkin.

Ryan stared awkwardly at the bereft woman, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Angela never struck him as someone who would want or need anyone other then her cats. In fact, he was pretty sure she hated people in general. _Oh no, this isn't a cat thing, is it? _he wondered to himself. Still, he had already committed to the conversation.

"D?" he offered, hoping she'd explain more.

Shaking her head, she waved her hand as to dismiss the question.

"Angela," Ryan's voice was a bit more gentle this time, "who is D?"

Sighing, Angela gazed longingly at a cat adoption poster hanging directly across from their table. "He's only the most honorable and righteous man I have ever met. At least, I thought he was…" Her voice trailed off, like she was losing herself to a memory or vision. Ryan was going to let the subject go, but now she had aroused his interest.

"Well, he sounds like a great guy. What's the problem?"

The question earned him a sharp glare, and he immediately ducked his head out of habit. He was glad he didn't have to put up with this on a daily basis anymore.

Tears started streaming down her face again. "I'm….sorry Ryan. That was an honest question."

Ryan was taken aback. He wasn't sure he had ever heard Angela apologize to anyone before, let alone him.

"Unfortunately, a few months ago, I found out D was a murderer." She said it like it were the most common thing in the world.

It's a good thing Ryan wasn't eating at the time, because he would have choked at the admission. "A… murderer? How did someone like you get mixed up with a murderer?"

"He never let on. He was always the perfect gentlemen. Strong, authoritative, wise. I tried to stop myself from falling in love with him. After all, romance is such a waste of time. We were put here to do God's work and excel in life, blamelessly, perfectly. How can you exhibit such dedication when you have another person in your life to worry about? But I found I just couldn't help myself. He made me happy."

Ryan was shocked. He couldn't imagine what sort of man it would take to be able to capture Angela's heart, short of someone severe and dull, like maybe the father from _Mary Poppins _or something.

Angela ignored his gawking and continued her story. "One day, I asked him to take care of my sick cat, Sprinkles, and…and….he killed her, Ryan! He murdered my Sprinkles! He said it was to put her out of her misery, that it was the compassionate thing to do, but it was terrible! How could he expect me to love him after that?" She looked at him with wide, intense eyes. "Ryan, if you killed Kelly's cat, would you expect her to ever forgive you?"

Ryan tried to keep a straight face. "Angela, I don't think there's anything in the world I could ever do that would make Kelly hate me." He wasn't sure if that depressed him or not.

Angela sniffed. "Well, I'm not Kelly, thank God. I have a brain, and common sense, and common sense says you don't date murderers."

Ryan might have agreed with her, if it wasn't over something as crazy as homemade pet euthanasia.

Suddenly, a chilling thought struck him. He also knew someone that would consider putting pets down without a vet a normal thing to do, and constantly bragged about his knowledge and dominance over animals. Constantly. Ad nasuam.

_D….is Dwight? _The thought almost made him gag. Then he remembered the conversation Angela and Dwight had in front of Ryan during Michael's birthday party a few years ago. The same expression he gave the cameras then was the one he was wearing now.

Angela ignored his disbelieving stare and put her head down in the crock of her arm, starting to cry all over again.

Ryan squirmed. "If it's hurting you this much, why don't you just forgive him and move on with your life?"

"I_can't_ forgive him, Ryan," she snapped, like he was an idiot for even suggesting reconciliation.

"Ok, I'll bite. Why not?"

"Didn't you hear me? He _killed _my Sprinkles."

"Well yeah, it was a weird thing to do. But not being with him is obviously making you miserable, and if he were as, er, honorable as you say, he's probably sorry he upset you so much."

"What kind of woman would that make me if I backed down and decided to forgive him?"

"A smart one. One that's willing to swallow her own pride for the sake of being happy."

His advice was obviously not well received. She fidgeted with her skirt, scowling. "I'm not going to lose my integrity over this. What D did was morally apprehensible, and I cannot associate with him any longer, as much as I may want to."

Ryan once overheard Angela telling the cameras that she never backed down from a fight, once even at the expense of her relationship with her sister. She was a harsh woman, although he had to admit he knew a thing or two about sacrificing relationships for the sake of pride.

He decided to switch tactics. "Isn't your religion big on forgiveness? What about that?"

"Don't you dare talk to me about the Bible, or morals, or forgiveness. You're one of the most selfish, self-centered people I've ever met. Why should I listen to you?"

Her accusation made him pause, but he couldn't deny it. He had always been about number one, Ryan Howard.

"People don't change Ryan," she insisted in earnest. "D will always be a murderer, and I will never be able to look at him the same way again, no matter how hard I try. No matter how much I love him!"

Instantly realizing she had publicly confessed love, she shut up and looked down at the table, suddenly interested in a non-existent piece of lint.

Ryan quivered for a moment, suddenly seeing so much of himself in her. "You're just being stubborn," he mumbled, but at this point he wasn't sure if he was still talking to her or to himself.

"_Excuse me_?" Her voice was venom.

"You heard me. At this point it has nothing to do with what Dwi…D, did. You just don't want to take him back because you're afraid if you do, he'll see the part of you that you try to hide from everybody else, and yourself. The part of you that cares about someone other then yourself. You're afraid that if you let on how much you care, you'll be walked all over, taken advantage of. But all it is is excuses."

Standing up indignantly, Angela threw her napkin down. "And you're being ridiculous. I can't imagine how you made it so far up the corporate ladder, with that peanut shell you call a brain. You must have whored yourself out left and right to even make Paper Salesman. Lord knows you probably learned it from Kelly."

"Angela, I can't believe you said that!"

Ryan twisted in his seat to see Kelly and Andy standing behind him. He wasn't sure if Angela saw them walking up towards the table before she was finished speaking, but he knew she had no problem telling people what was on her mind, no matter how cruel.

Kelly looked drained. "You told me before you didn't think I was a slut. Were you lying to me? Ohmygod, do you really think I'm slutty?"

Angela pursed her lips. Andy walked over to her and tipped up her chin to look him in the eyes. He smiled. "Of course she doesn't think that. I think my little lady is just speaking out of hunger." He kissed her, desperately, silently begging her to make peace. The new and improved Andrew Bernard was the last person who wanted to be caught up in an argument.

Pushing him away, but holding on to the tips of his fingers as if for support, Angela stared coldly at Kelly. "Of course I meant it. I always mean what I say, to do otherwise would be dishonest. You're a whore, and you always will be."

Kelly's mouth was agape and Ryan found himself immediately standing by her side. Kelly was a lot of things. Sometimes a lot of annoying things. A whore was not one of them, however, and he had already had his fill of Angela for the night.

"Come on Kelly, we should leave. Save the animal rescuing for all the peace lovers and bleeding hearts here." He glared at Angela, hoping she got the message.

"I don't understand." Kelly refused to let it go. "We've been through this conversation already, and you told me you didn't mean it. I thought we were friends!"

"People don't change, Kelly." Ryan stood up and pulled her back into himself. Nuzzling the back of her neck, his breath sent shivers down her spine. "People never change," he repeated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He looked down to see her hand in his, and smiled.

Well, sometimes they change.


End file.
